Mince up some garlic - a lot! Put a ton of olive oil in a big pan, nice and hot, and throw in the garlic and a lot of crushed red pepper. A lot! A whole lot. Cook the garlic w/ the pepper until it's nice and browned, more brown that you normally would for cooking. You want it to be a nice medium brown toasted color. Add a 1/2 onion finely chopped and sautee for a little while.
Throw in 2 big cans of the most authentic-Italian looking crushed tomatoes you can find. Add some dried oregano, and a bay leaf. Add some cumin if you have it. Let it sit and gently simmer for a while.
Add plenty of salt, don't be shy! Also add a good amount sugar - start with two tablespoons and keep adding until the flavor starts out with a bang, before the herb flavors kick in. Add some breadcrumbs to thicken the sauce up a bit if it's too soupy.
Throw in just a little bit of Sriracha! Top it off with some fresh basil when you serve it, and your friends will think you are devastatingly fancy.
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